#9 When the Feedback Bites
Taking Criticism from Staff Surveys About Leadership
There’s a particular moment that every headteacher will recognise:
The staff survey comes back.
You open the report, scan the headlines, feel hopeful about a few good scores…
And then your eyes land on those harder comments.
"Leadership doesn’t listen enough."
"We feel undervalued."
"Decisions are made without proper consultation."
"The leadership team seems distant."
Even when the majority of feedback is positive, those few sharp comments seem to carry disproportionate emotional weight.
Why?
Because leadership is personal.
We may know, intellectually, that feedback isn’t always about us as individuals.
But when it’s about leadership, it feels like it’s about us — our judgment, our motives, our decisions.
Why it feels so hard
There’s a paradox at the heart of leadership:
On one hand, we encourage feedback, tell staff we want honesty, ask them to share their thoughts openly.
On the other hand, receiving that honesty can sting — especially when it conflicts with our own self-perception.
“I thought I was visible and approachable — why do they think we’re distant?”
“I thought we consulted widely — why does it feel to staff like we don’t listen?”
“I thought I supported staff wellbeing — why is that being questioned?”
This tension is natural.
It’s what Brené Brown might call "the vulnerability of leadership": the knowledge that when we invite feedback, we’re exposing ourselves to criticism we can’t control.
Not all feedback is equal — but all feedback has value
The first thing I remind myself when reading staff surveys is this:
Not all feedback is equal — but all feedback has value.
Some comments will reflect the emotional state of a particular moment or individual.
Some will come from misunderstanding or lack of context.
Some will reflect broader cultural issues that we need to address.
The skill is in listening carefully without taking every comment personally — and without dismissing it all as noise.
Finding patterns, not obsessing over individual comments
It’s easy to get drawn into one comment that feels harsh or unfair.
But surveys are most useful when we look for patterns.
Is there a recurring theme about communication?
Are several staff mentioning consultation and decision-making?
Is wellbeing feedback generally positive but weaker in one area?
Patterns point us toward culture change.
Individual comments point us toward empathy — but not necessarily action.
How to process difficult feedback constructively
Here’s how I try to approach the post-survey moment:
Pause before reacting
It’s tempting to respond immediately — to defend, explain, justify.
But reflection matters. I give myself time to sit with the feedback before talking to anyone about it.
Seek context, not blame
Rather than thinking "Who said this?" or "Why did they think that?", I ask:
"What might this comment be telling me about how staff experience school life right now?"
Share the feedback openly
I don’t hide survey results.
Sharing feedback transparently, including the hard parts, demonstrates that we take it seriously.
Communicate intent
When staff see us reflect publicly on feedback, it builds trust.
I try to say something like: "We’ve read this carefully. We’re listening. Here’s what we’re thinking about next."
Remember that feedback is about culture, not just me
Critical feedback about leadership isn’t necessarily a personal attack.
It’s a sign that there’s something in the organisational culture that feels uncomfortable to some staff.
That’s useful — even when it hurts.
The emotional work of leading after criticism
Leading after receiving criticism is an emotional challenge.
It’s easy to withdraw, to become defensive, to think "After everything I’ve done for this staff, how can they think that?"
But those reactions — while human — don’t help.
The discipline of leadership is to stay present, stay visible, and keep showing up even when you feel wounded by feedback.
Because here’s the thing:
If staff are willing to speak honestly, that’s a good sign.
It means they trust that their voices matter — and that’s exactly what we want.
When criticism doesn’t match your intention
One of the hardest feelings is when criticism challenges your self-image as a caring leader.
You think: "But I’ve done so much for staff wellbeing! I’ve made so many adaptations, covered lessons, attended events, supported them personally!"
And yet still, some staff say they don’t feel valued.
This dissonance is hard — but it’s also a gift.
It reminds us that what we intend and what others experience can be different.
And leadership isn’t about how we feel we’re doing — it’s about how our leadership is felt.
Why this feedback matters for the culture we want
In the end, difficult feedback is part of creating the culture we want:
A culture where staff feel safe enough to speak.
A culture where leaders listen deeply, even when it stings.
A culture where feedback isn’t feared, but welcomed as part of collective growth.
So when that next staff survey lands — and the feedback bites — here’s what I’ll try to remember:
It’s not about perfection.
It’s about progress.
It’s not about being liked.
It’s about being trusted.
And it’s not about never being criticised.
It’s about showing staff that their feedback matters — because they matter.
So I’m curious — how do you handle difficult feedback? What helps you pause, reflect, and lead on, even when it stings? Have you ever found that the hardest feedback ended up helping you grow the most? I’d love to hear your thoughts.